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Meganstg
Quitting in 18 days

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March 12, 2019
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Well, I smoked today. I played with the idea a few different times today and then I bought a pack and smoked. I even bought more patches before I bought the cigarettes. Feeling craptastic about it at the moment. I think that’s the worst part about smoking, about being addicted, is the powerlessness I feel. The self loathing when I don’t succeed at quitting. The gazillion times I’ve been so ready to quit until I don’t have any cigarettes, and don’t even make it 24 hours before I give in...it’s such a defeating deflating feeling when I end up smoking again, which of course keeps me smoking. Ugh. I hate being a slave to nicotine. I am at that point where I can’t stand what smoking does to me. It takes away my time with my kids, my motivation, my money, my health, my freedom. It’s become associated with all aspects of my daily life and I hate it!!!! I. Hate. It.

(Breathe in. Breathe out.)

So, tomorrow is day 1 again. Because I’m not giving in and I’m not giving up. I KNOW I can do this. I KNOW I deserve to live free from addiction. This is the first time I’ve ever sought support in my quit. This is also the first time I’ve been open with those close to me that I’m quitting (heaven forbid I fail and they find out and judge me!) and so I shared with my peeps that I smoked and got nothing but love and support.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me.


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  • Shan054
    Quit 30 days ago
    1 week ago #

    This is the first time I tried to quit! So far so good no NRT. But wow the emotions. I know that I wouldn’t quit trying tho. Never give up!!!

    • M
      Meganstg
      Quitting in 18 days
      1 week ago #

      Thanks Shan! 21 days is amazing!!!!! I want that! One day at a time, I’ll be right behind you.

  • Terry1963
    Quit 279 days ago
    1 week ago #

    Good on you getting right back up on that horse. You are definitely ready for this. Print out your above post, and read it every day. It may help. Stay away from convenience stores for a few months. I can't even say welcome back, because it doesn't feel as if you were gone. LOL See you for our Tuesday Pledge

  • Carolyn
    Quit 4,754 days ago
    1 week ago #

    Many of us took more than one try to get it right - I was the queen of serial quitting for a period of my life. Congrats to you on starting again - we are addicts and we can never have just one!

  • m
    m.m.
    Quit 1,663 days ago
    1 week ago #

    The going is very slippery in the beginning. It is not you it is the nature of addiction. Those tobacco executives smile all the way to the bank when they say it is a choice. The reality is that on a subconscious level your brain needs them. Like food or water or air. Your body has a dependency. It will use your mind in strange ways. The good news is that the body can be retrained.

  • AileenA
    Quit 12 days ago
    1 week ago #

    I have quit numerous times and have always started again....don't beat yourself up...we learn with each quit. Be proud that you are taking the steps to give yourself a healthier life!!

  • tman55
    Quit 1,793 days ago
    1 week ago #

    Get off the mat and get ready to answer the bell again. Your addict slipped in an upper cut and caught you flush. Next time it will be you that catches him with a left hook. Once you see the addicts legs start to wobble and his eyes glaze over he is ripe for a KO. Keep swinging and you will catch him with his guard down.

  • BobbieB
    Quit 395 days ago
    1 week ago #

    glad ur right back to it. This time i really just reinforced to myself that one wont help. Thats what gets us every time :/ i dont even know how many times i tried to quit. This time is NOPE= Not One Puff Ever!

  • Tess
    Quit 536 days ago
    1 week ago #

    I have always like the quote: 'Never quit quitting!' Just because it didn't work as you planned doesn't mean that you can't be successful in future Megan! Keep moving forward, keep trying and applying what you've learned in previous attempts! And...keep posting! No such thing as too much support :)

  • M
    Meganstg
    Quitting in 18 days
    1 week ago #

    Thank you everyone for the support!! There’s something so powerful about shared experience and empathy.

  • Brian3
    1 week ago #

    Meganstg, the important thing about a slip is to have a good look at it and see what you can do different the next time around. Where can you divert yourself before actually taken that first cigarette. Write it down so that if this situation comes up again you can deal with it differently. Support is a key ingredient,

    Brian (AlbertaQuits)

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