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Carolyn
Quit 5,736 days ago
Repost: My 2000 Day Ramble... The Secret To My Success
This is a repost of my 2000 day ramble. I feel changing the thousands is worth a ramble - wish I had saved my early rambles - but alas I repost what I have.
Have a good one.
Cara
D5698
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I know in the Q 2000 days does not have a celebration – but I feel it is pretty special and I am choosing to celebrate my 2000 days smoke free.
Here I am.... 2000 days – looking back – at times I did not think I would ever be to this point. How did I go from an ex smoker, to a smoker, to a serial quitter, to an ex smoker who now knows not only that I will never smoke again, but who has decided I never want to smoke again. This is what got me here.
I blew a 12 yr quit because I listened to the demon, the dragon – whatever you want to call it – the voices told me I could have just one and I bought that – and learned quick that for me 1 leads back to a pack a day habit. You would think when I decided to quit that I would have realized I could not have just one, but alas I was a slow learner – no let me be honest – I chose to smoke – I knew the consequence, I knew what would happen and I made a decision to smoke and justified it with some bull crap excuse – many bull crap excuses over the months. I played that game for easily a year and a half. My doctor wanted me to quit, he said I could quit now or after the heart attack if I lived and guess what – I still messed around easily 6 more months before finally starting this quit.
When I finally decided to quit without excuses, I applied myself to quitting, created a plan, did some research and discovered exactly how I was sabotaging my quit.
When I was going to blow a quit – I planned it. I did not come to the Q, I did not ask for help or support, I snuck about and showed up days or weeks later saying I was going to give it another go. This time I prepared for that. I met quitters and asked for help – a couple of these awesome people gave me email and phone numbers – taking away the excuse my internet was down. I had no excuse now to reach out to someone before I smoked. For me, that was very important and while I never had to contact anyone – it was a comfort to know I could just grab the paper in my purse that was always with me and get support.
Next, I hung at the Q and picked up some mantras and positive thoughts. These were things that stuck in my brain and in times of depression or trouble, I would read them. I kept a copy at work, at home and in my purse – again ready for when I needed help. I also pledged daily, and continue to pledge pretty much daily. It helps me remember where I came from and keep my quit in focus. I hope that it inspires new quitters to see that you can get to those numbers in time – I know they sure inspired me.
Many people have quit with smokers around. Many people have quit while going out as they feel that they must live life – I cannot express the amount of respect I have for those folks because I locked myself in my house. I missed functions at work where smoking or drinking would be as I could not trust myself. Driving was a huge trigger for me, and I did not drive home to the city for 2 months as I did not want to risk it. To each their own on what works – in my book you just do what works for you and don’t worry about what others think.
When I quit, I had to quit – I was mad. My doctor was just so annoying as he kept nagging at me – there were other people who smoked more than me, other people with more weight on them than me, other people smoking period – why did I have to quit while they got to enjoy themselves and smoke. I was angry at smokers, I was angry at happy ex smokers – frankly I was mad at the world. I did not want to quit – I had to quit and in the end just sucked it up and did what I had to do. I was a pretty unhappy camper for a long time. I had bouts of depression, some outward anger and at one point got counselling to help me deal with my emotions but I got through it.
In time, craves would come – they would pop into my head – I would be sitting on the computer and think I should have a smoke, and I would think I don’t smoke anymore and it would be gone. What is the key, the key is to always remember that you no longer smoke and when you think about it – dismiss it – do not think about it, do not dwell on it as the demon is just waiting for that door to open a tiny bit so he can get in the talk trash to you.
How do I feel today – 2000 days free – much different than I did when I started this journey. I now realize that I lost nothing when I quit smoking – I gained freedom. I am not a slave anymore to anyone or anything. I can choose when I come and go – I do not have to go running out the door to feed my addiction – and yes it took me time to see this. I now feel sorrow for smokers and especially serial quitters – having walked that path – I just want everyone to do whatever it takes to quit and not start again. My best friend in the world in NZ was diagnosed a few months back with a smoking related illness. I cannot now recall the name of it, but she was told to quit smoking. She was doing what I did to start – saying she did not want to quit – I was soooo angry and she knew it. I was thrilled to bits when she made the decision to quit – I told her that she did not have to be happy about, like me, she just had to quit and she is going on 3 months quit now. She is quitting with smokers around her. She is quitting without quit net, without people (aside from me) to call on in an emergency, and from her I truly learned we each walk our own path to quitting.
Sorry this has been so long – I just had so much I wanted to say. I want everyone to know this is doable – you hold the power over your quit. You quit in whatever way that works for you – but you have to quit – alas cutting down while good is not quitting and for many cutting down leaves the door open to increased smoking down the road.
Today, I will celebrate me. The $20,000.00 I have saved (although I don’t know where it is), and the life I have saved and the freedom in my life.
Remove smoking from the table – when you take it off the table as an option in life, you will succeed.
KTQ
Cara
D2000
Last reply: October 21 @ 8:02 am
  • Terry1963
    Quit 1,261 days ago
    October 21 @ 8:02 am
    Nice read Carolyn :) Day 6000 is right on your doorstep. I am forever grateful for you :)
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