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Shan054
Quit 95 days ago

Toughest day

March 12, 2019
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Day 21 and I cried most of it. Very emotional and lost!


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  • m
    m.m.
    Quit 1,728 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Ouch. Three weeks in. There are many factors that play into getting unhooked. Sorry to read that it is your emotions that are taking the hit. That tends to come in waves. I can tell you that the benefits of keeping your quit is not having your emotional strings pulled by the need for nicotine. That string has two ends to it. I may not be very good at explaining it but tobacco, or addiction manipulates your feelings so you will act on that and light up. The other end is that sometimes the feelings are real and some other need is not met and so a smoke becomes the thing you do. Hungry, angry, lonely or tired are feelings that trigger cravings. The emotional associations we have had with nicotine go back a long way. The oldest trick in the book. Angry has taken more quits from me then I care to count. But it is a trick. The truth is that if there is a real problem I still had the problem after the smoke. If it was just nicotine I needed and not a real problem, I would be good until the next time the nic levels ran low. The emotional life I have now with out the nicotine levels is nearly the same as when I smoked except I don't have the burden of dependency. Smoking never did fix any thing so I have not lost some mythical support. But undoing the emotional attachment is a big part of quitting. Glad you posted. You are not lost, you are on a brave journey. Keep posting. It helps. There is a lot to undo. Welcome.

  • M
    Meganstg
    Quit 29 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Sending a virtual hug to you

  • Terry1963
    Quit 344 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Wow m.m. Way to help. That was awesome. All I can say to you is that it's ok to cry. There were times that I was on an emotional roller coaster. My doc actually had to increase my antidepressant dose. Your body is going through the repair process, and it's going to be disruptive. It's going to take some time. Sit back. Take a deep breath, and feel the benefits that your body has already achieved. Quitting smoking has been the most difficult thing I've ever done, but I've done it. You are doing it. You will be ok. Never Never Give Up!! Please keep us posted. We can help, and I'm betting you can help us as well. Hang in there.

  • Carolyn
    Quit 4,819 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Hugs to you - I want you to know many of us go through this. This is from my journal way back in the day! You are not alone and you can do this!

    4/20/2006 Day 36. I have felt my week going downhill and I must say that tonight I am in the middle of a major meltdown. For a change I am not melting down cause I want a smoke - but cause I am melting down I sure wish I could have one. I had to come and read - remind myself how sick I was, the little things about not smoking that have made me happy - what ever it takes to not breakdown and have to do this all over again. Work is stressing me out - or I am allowing it to stress me out, I am feeling so so again and I am just so frustrated with my diabetes and chlosterol that I want to scream - well settling for crying at the moment. I have found a group for diabetic quitters and they are trying to be so helpful but even with this tonight I feel so totally alone - I feel like I live on a planet with no one around in a million miles. I feel like there is no one I can talk to, no one will hear me and that does it really matter. I have quit smoking but I am going to end up killing myself with the diabetes or chlosterol so why not go happy. I know I wont smoke - I have read my journal, I have requested help, support and 3 posts and shortly I will just go to bed and cry myself to sleep and know tomorrow is a new day and hope I will feel better. I will go to bed a winner and wake up a winner. I will not blow my quit for a bummed smoke that I hate - it would have to be my brand which no one smokes - hey that is a good thing. Journaling helps. At least I am not crying now. Can't say tonight will be perfect but I am hoping I have adverted a crisis.

    36 days, 12 hours, 53 minutes and 35 seconds smoke free. 913 cigarettes not smoked. $360.00 and 6 days, 23 hours of my life saved! My quit date: 3/15/2006 6:00:00 AM

  • Shan054
    Quit 95 days ago
    2 months ago #

    It’s a new day. I don’t want to smoke. There are so many other things going on. I am in my 50’s hot flashes mood swings etc. Got a grown kid with depression. Realizing that I have it too. The smoke is a crutch! Doesn’t change the fact that I am so scared of the emotions pushing everyone away. So much in my head it comes out a jumble. Going to dr today . Hope to get some help. Last time I went I was told the dr didn’t have time. You can bet that made me feel inconsequential. I am not going to smoke tho!

  • Terry1963
    Quit 344 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Tell your doctor that you need his or her time. I hate when they do that. Mine did it once and only once.

  • tman55
    Quit 1,858 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Keep swinging Shan. You are almost over the biggest hurdle. You’ve poured everything you have into this. Don’t go back. I know it’s hard to believe right now but this is one of the greatest decisions you’ve ever made. You got this!

  • Shan054
    Quit 95 days ago
    2 months ago #

    Thank you thank you just for being there. My family needs a break from my crazies

  • I know...corny
    2 months ago #

    Hang in there things will get better. Be mad at the smokes and the addiction that made you feel this way and vow to kick it in the butt! (pun intended). You are in a fight for your life, literally! You can beat this and I promise it gets easier. Remember there is no problem or emotional distress that smoking can't make worse. Don't be too hard on yourself and treat yourself as you are doing great in spite of how you may feel at this particular moment. Also remember that one puff can ruin even a long quit so don't give in to temptation this early in the game or even later,

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