I'll always be a smoker

I have not had a cigarette since August 2014. I will never be a "non smoker". To me, a non smoker is like my mom who never smoked in her life. I will probably always be a smoker, but like a recovering alcoholic will not try that first one ever again. I am quite aware of my capabilities and know that after what I went through to achieve this status, I probably won't have the will power to do it all over again. You must realize that I smoked at least a package a day for over 50 years and am extremely lucky to not have developed COPD or lung cancer. This was my 7th attempt to stop smoking and none of the previous attempts lasted longer that 4 months. I had used every method available prior to this time but Champix was the only one that actually allowed me to stop without the crushing chest pains I suffered previously. I kept waiting for the pains to start again, and was so glad that there was no physical pain this time. But, Oh boy! the dreams!

During the first several months of my "quit" I lost my life partner to dementia, my mom passed away, and I was forced into retirement. I did not turn to cigarettes, but to food. I have gained about 30 Lb. but am now am feeling comfortable enough to try to lose the extra weight.

I have read so many stories on this site and so many made me feel inadequate because I did not have a superhero attitude, nor did I suffer the poor me complex. I just wanted you to know that I am just a very ordinary person and wake up each morning telling myself "well I didn't smoke yesterday, let's see what today brings". I really needed the baby step approach to change myself and needed to build on past success. If I had looked too far into the future, I would have been too afraid to try anything as momentous as what I did 1 1/2 years ago.
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I'll always be a smoker